Repairing the Past – Rev. Ann Chan

The title appealed to me.  I requested my friend,  Ann, to get me a ticket while I left the Global Discipleship Congress session to go to work so that after lunch service, I could attend the 3pm session of Rev. Ann Chan entitled “Inner Life of the Disciple— Repairing the Past.”

Right after lunch, I Ubered back to CCF Main. I was the first one in line at the room venue only to find out that Ann wasn’t able to get a ticket for me because this was the most popular topic and the tickets were gone so fast!

Just the same, by 3pm I stood by the venue door and told the lady manning the entrance that I will just stand by in case a ticket holder doesn’t show up.  She said that was highly unlikely.  The line started growing; even pastors’ wives were not allowed automatic entry. Apparently, the color of their lanyard was not good enough to get in. You really needed a ticket, just like Charlie Bucket did for the chocolate factory. I stayed on as attendees  started to pour in. “I’ll just be a Chan’s Passenger, in case at the last minute, there’s an empty seat,” I explained.

Lo and behold after the room looked packed, I was told there was room for… me!!!  Thank You, Lord!  Here are some of my notes from Rev. Ann’s talk…

“We try to fix ourselves… unearth many layers of our past awareness.  In a certain sense, what’s done can’t be undone—like smashed glass.  What you have broken can’t be mended.  No matter how much you try to repair, there are still cracks.  BUT we have a Divine Healer.  He gathers all the broken pieces, melts them and make them new.

God can redeem our mistakes, forgive our sins, and help us move on.

Are there troublesome people in your life who make you feel drained?  You try to comfort them but they refuse?  When appeased, they bring up another fire… (Or is this something cropping up in us?)

Here are symptoms of woundedness from carrying baggages from the past:

  • Overbearing personality, always tell people what to do, always the center of focus
  • Weak sense of self
  • Argumentative, difficult, negative
  • Sensitive, easily hurt
  • Always says, “No, I’ve tried that before.” (Knows it all)
  • Assault with derogatory terms
  • Proud and arrogant
  • Sarcastic, curt, short

Here are roots of woundedness:

  • Deep wounding of pride
  • Not affirmed in childhood
  • Marginalized; Middle child syndrome
  • Trust broken
  • Unmet needs of love and acceptance
  • Betrayal and miscarriage of justice
  • Isolation and helplessness
  • “Everybody hates me, no one loves me”
  • Favoritism

Does time heal all wounds?  No. Time heals nothing. It’s what you do with that time that heals.  If for twenty years you have been feeling anger, if you seek God, forgive again and again and receive God’s grace, then time can heal.

4 Arenas of woundedness:

  1. Primal wounds of heart – childhood emotional wounds  layer like a mille-crepe.  Root of bitterness springs up and you have a very angry person.  Sometimes there is a lifelong longing to tell father, “I’m good enough.”  –  I’M HURT
  2. Cynicism of the mind- skepticism is one’s orientation to be critical, judgmental fueled by doubts, uncertainties, fears.                   – I WON’T
  3. Paralysis of the will- not to assume a position of growth and healing  – I CAN’T
  4. Overcrowding of soul by so many  things, neglect of the One Thing  – I’M BUSY

Psalm 107:20 He sent out his word and healed them; he rescued them from the grave.


 HEALING= 25% God  + 75% ourselves: You can bring cow to water but can’t make cow drink it.  There has to be our willingness to allow (a godly) mentor or guide to pray for us.  Only God heals but we must join hands with God.

2Cor 7:1 Therefore, since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.

3 Healing Agents:

  • God – Chief Agent, Father Son Holy Spirit
  • Church community: leader, disciplers, pastors
  • Spiritual Disciplines: Going to the Word, seeking Holy Spirit’s guidance, wait upon Holy Spirit, Confess, Pray.  When we pray, the Holy Spirit agonizes on our behalf.

Gal 2:20
We need to die to ourselves, pride, past rights.  When Jesus is Lord, you subsume your rights under His authority… otherwise, we become the lord of our lives.

Sometimes God uses the same people who hurt us more.  When we die to self, we hurt no more.

For the I’M HURT:  Jer 30:17 

For the I WON’T:  John 14:1 

Faith is trusting when we don’t see, obeying when we don’t see results

For the I CAN’T: Psalm 46:10   

Cease striving.  God will heal your spirit and soul where you’re hurting.  Contemplate on who God is.  Go on a silent retreat to hear from the Lord.

For the I’M BUSY:

Mark 1:35 Jesus departed to a lonely place and spent the night praying.  Between 3-6am is quiet conducive time when the mind is most alert. Great for praying.

Part 2:

Come out of our past/ ashes/ comfort zone/ darkness/ prejudices.

Ashes: trace of visible evidence of something that is no longer present.

Place of faith (Moses unable to enter Promised Land when he didn’t honor God.)  Don’t break faith with God.  We will reap what we sow.  Let’s pray God makes us new like clay in the hands of The Potter.

As a symbol of surrender, as a symbol of dying to ourselves, would you just hold up your hand in front of you and say, “Yes, Lord, I surrender.  Yes, Lord, I give to You my past. I give to You my pain.  I give to You ALL the irreconcilable agony in my life.  Lord I give to You all my failures, all the wrong moves in my life. Father today, would You come and open my eyes to see You.  There’s a song that says, “Oh Lord, Your tenderness, take away my bitterness. Oh Lord, I receive Your Love.”  Father, we submit ourselves to You. We pray You make a sudden breakthrough to bring about complete surrender and complete alignment to what You want us to do and to be.  We lift up our hands and our hearts. Help us to release the grasp of all things… that we may count them as rubbish in order that we may gain Christ.  Help us that in our weakness, You be strong for us; in our frailty, be our strength. In  our loneliness, be our companion. In our stubbornness be the One that will soften us. We pray for that sudden breakthrough so that we can be the man or woman that God intends,  that we will walk out of the darkness, out of our pain, out of all our prejudices and comfort zones, that we embrace the Lord Jesus through whom we call Abba Father. We pray all this in His mighty name Amen.

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