Part of God’s story in the life of Kata Inocencio is that she once became a mistress. She has since come to know the Lord, accepted Jesus as her Savior AND made Jesus The Lord (a.k.a. Master) of her life. She gave up that wrong relationship. She went through public discipline in her church, confessed her sin publicly and the pastor (the late Pastor Luis Pantoja) explained that her confession came with the forgiveness of her sins by Jesus Christ. Subsequently, that sin would no longer be held against her (with the implicit understanding that neither should that sin be gossiped about lest the gossipers be held accountable to God.)
Kata Inocencio shares this part of her life willingly with the hope that it will be an encouragement for wives who are struggling with forgiveness and obedience issues resulting from the hurt that comes from betrayal from their husbands. Kata’s story is also an encouragement for mistresses that God is real, that God is a Promise Keeper, that when they make a choice to obey God, He will bless them (just as the choice to remain in sin comes with the curses that come with disobedience).
BUTTERFLYINTHESPRING (BITS): That was a hard decision for you to give up a relationship which was important to you (even if it was wrong). How did your decision to cut off the relationship outweigh whatever else you were holding on to like powerful feelings, for example?
Kata Inocencio (KI): Of course there were fears because we have children or at least one son at the time. I had a job at the time. I also knew that I can support myself and my son. Although he continued supporting din naman (too). When I look in the physical sense, kaya naman (it is feasible).
The promise of God, the hope of fulfillment of that promise. The hope of a fulfilling life, the hope of my welfare being in the hands of God far outweighed any fear or any emotional attachment to anybody at that time.
It was a series: [Feeling] downcast, second class citizen, not valued as opposed to reading His Word, reading God’s promises. Mas gusto ko yatang pumunta doon a kaysa pinagdaraanan ko ngayon (I think I prefer to go towards God there instead of what I’m going through right now) and I think the final straw was God was the author of life and death. He can give life and He can also institute death.
Fear of God absolutely came upon me. I know the touch of God e now. Papaluin ka nya to get your attention tapos sabay hagod. Bubuhusan ka ng love. Pag condemn condemn, hindi si God yan; enemy yan). (He will discipline you to get your attention and then He will stroke you simultaneously. If it’s all condemnation, that’s not God; that’s Satan). Parang yung (Like the) adulteress: He made you realize your mistake, parang (like the) woman at the well… but sin no more. I’ve forgiven you. I do not condemn you. Mas lalong natatauhan ang tao sa ganon (It’s more conducive for a person to repent that way). I mean it’s hard to turn away from that kind of relationship [with God]… one who lovingly corrects you, rebukes you, but who immediately pours out His love and forgiveness, new hope for you.
(BITS): Were there specific people who were instrumental for you to come to a full surrender?
(KI): Oh definitely. The Lord used many. Many people, many churches, GCF was one of them, Campus Crusade, 700 Club but surrendering to the Lord was just the Lord and I. But siempre, may pinlant siya. (of course, He planted some people). My discipler, Orpah Marasigan, Coney Reyes was also a very good friend who ministered to me. I have my best friend also, Chit Guerrero of ABS-CBN, because we walk together. Maraming nag-support. (A lot of people were there to support). The Lord sends people.
BITS: If today you met a woman who is a mistress, what would be your message for her?
KI: Nene, hindi yan para sa ‘yo. (Young lass, that’s not for you). Don’t share. It’s not for you. Do not grab. Do not steal. There’s something that’s for you. Maybe not equal but maybe even more in terms of joy and significance. If I had continued in that relationship. (Not only was he married that’s why we couldn’t marry. It was also stifling. There were many opportunities in ABS CBN that I passed up kasi (because) he was jealous also. Tago e secret love affair e kaya kailangan i-secret ka rin. (You see, it’s hidden; its a secret love affair that’s why you have to be kept secret, too). I don’t know where I would be … I might have killed myself out of desperation, I don’t know. On hindsight, even though there is no man in my life right now and the Lord is taking me to where I am right now, I will not exchange it… Babalikan ko ba yon? Hindi e (Will I return to that? No)… “My [God’s] grace is sufficient for you.” Maybe not humanly possible but by the grace of God…
I will tell an Other Woman that she deserves more. You’re not a second class citizen because you are the Lord’s BE-loved. Even before you were born, the Lord already loved you. And it’s a constant state of being loved by God. Same thing that I heard and believed in. Jeremiah 29:11 The Lord has a wonderful plan for your life for your welfare, for your good future. If you have children, even for your children. And it’s not to harm you.
If right now you might feel secure but for how long? And be honest, are you really secure?
Pag namatay na yang kinakasama mo, ikaw ba ang maglilibing sa kanya? Chances are hindi. May mana ka ba? Chances are wala. (When that person you are with now dies, are you going to be the one to bury him? Chances are… no. When he dies, will you have an inheritance? Chances are… none.) Why wait for that when you can start fixing your life now? And the Lord is gonna be your help. And I’ll go back to my story. It was hard. I have three children. Logic dictates I should be with their father and they should be with their father. That’s logic. To get out was illogical. But that is what’s moral, right, and that is what’s best.
Malu: What tips would you give for a woman who wants to get out of being a mistress?
KI: Be financially independent.
Find a job if you don’t have a job. That’s why financial security is important.
Physically you have to make a boundary. Either he get out or you get out.
You cut off visiting rights. If you have children, let him pick up his children so he can see his children. Avoid a temptation situation. Do not pretend to be a family. It only takes one [sexual encounter] to get pregnant. Same way as it takes one to get a venereal disease. If no children, cut off totally. Avoid.
There has to be an accountability group. In any sin situation, you have to have an accountability group. There are blind sides. These people see. You have to trust people to tell you the truth in love even if it hurts but love you enough to tell you the truth.
On the practical side if you trust God, He will make a way, give you the job, help you avoid and cut off the relationship.
BITS: In your case you were genuinely repentant. It was your own conviction that you have to cut this by hook or by crook. But for those mistresses who are enjoying the benefit of this relationship. How can someone minister to such a person?
KI: What do they want in life. Do they want jewelry?
BITS: For example, bags, a reversible Hermes belt, food trips for photos to post online?
If they want that, they can have that but they don’t have peace, security, and future because how will their life end. And worse where will you end after this life. Yun lang ang gauge ko (That’s my only gauge).
BITS: Pag walang (If there’s no) perspective of eternity…
KI: Wala talaga (really none). We live in the now… pleasures of the day if that’s what you want. If that’s what you want, that’s what you get.
There are consequences to everything. In the same way that there is a consequence… a reward or blessing if you do the right thing. Deuteronomy 28. You choose for yourself today blessings or curses. If you fully obey and carefully follow all of these, then you have the blessings.
Or you can also choose this. Bahala ka, gusto mo dyan? Dyan ka. Mamili ka. (It’s up to you, you want it there? Choose that.) It’s a choice. Hwag mo sabihing hindi mo alam. Posibleng hindi mo alam, in fairness. Pero ipapaalam ko sa yo gusto mo bang malaman. Ngayon na alam mo na, anong gusto mo? (Don’t tell me you don’t know. It’s possible you didn’t know. But now I’m letting you know, do you want to know? Now that you know, what do you want?)
BITS: What would be a motivation for a person to turn from sin today?
KI: Do you want to wait ’til the last minute? But you don’t know when your last minute is so that’s the problem with that. They’ll say, “I’ll enjoy first, I’ll repent tomorrow.”
BITS: “I’ll go first around the world and then I’ll repent.”
KI: Oo (Yes), I’ll have him build me a house first, buy me this car, and then take that trip with him that he promised, and then after that I will split with him, hindi mo alam if tomorrow babagsak yung eroplano nyo, patay kayo pareho. Magkasama nga kayo, hindi ko alam kung saan. (You don’t know if tomorrow your airplane will crash and you’re both dead. You are together, I don’t know where that will be).
For me those are the warnings, you don’t know when your last minute is. I’m not the author of life and death, but the Lord is. Jesus promised not just eternal life; He also promised abundant life. SO if your definition of abundance is a-bundat and all of those things [gesturing material things], then I’m so sad for you that that’s your measure because when we die, we leave all of those and all of those will rot here on earth even the money will rot on earth. If that is where you put your value on, how about the after-life? What do you know about it? Why wait for the after-life when you can actually experience the abundant life here on earth today. I’m saying this because I experience God here on earth today. I have a personal relationship with Him. This is Big Deal for me because this is THE GOD of the Universe. His eyes are on me, His heart is with mine, His hand is upon me. My life is in His hands and He calls me… “Mine”. And I call Him… “Mine”! The God of the Universe is… MINE. Beloved. Here’s my wedding ring. [Reading her ring inscription] “I am my Beloved’s and my Beloved is mine.” God is mine. What wealth can compare?
Ano yung value ng isang tao. Anong value ng isang bahay pwedeng masunog, marimata, masira ng earthquake, wala na yan. What’s the value of one person? What’s the value of one house… (it can burn down, get foreclosed… ruined by earthquake, it will be gone.) God is there for all time before, today, and tomorrow. After this life He’s still there waiting for me. He’s gonna dance with me. He’s gonna build me a mansion in heaven. When He rules and reigns for one thousand years, He’s gonna give me a job. We have a job when He rules and reigns. I want that job that He has for me, the one where I will sit beside Him… I can talk to Him face to face. What I do here on earth is just a practice for tomorrow. Today is just a period. Tomorrow is [gesturing circle infinitely] an eternal line. Do you want to live here in “abundance” in this period or in abundance [repeating gesture of circle infinitely]. Ay do’n na lang ako sa malayo yung marinating. (I would prefer that which reaches far). And that’s what He promised. And for me, He has proven it.
Do I have a husband? I don’t have a husband now. Do I desire a husband? Yes. What if God doesn’t give me a husband? I’ve already had a “husband” and three children thank you very much. If He decides to give me a husband, well and good. But this time, I would like God to choose the husband for me in the same way that He has been the one who has been choosing the jobs for me.
If God can choose a job for me, I’m sure He can choose a husband for me also but this time, His intended best for me. Ayoko na ng (I no longer want what’s)… not even “good enough” e. I can not even say “second best.” Not good enough. Not good enough to marry you.
Not good enough to make a decent woman out of you.
BITS: What message do you have for wives?
KI: I think they should pray for their husbands.
They should continue being loving and lovely, and still be the better choice.
God can actually change the hearts of people. Mahirap lalo na kung galit ka (It’s hard especially if you’re angry). But if they stay with their husbands, they have to be the best version of themselves. They should continue finding themselves, completing themselves, because another person will never complete you. That’s a wrong concept “Ah [motioning almost fainting]: “You complete me, I will complete you.” Cannot be. Doesn’t work.
The wife should complete herself in Christ. Apart from Him, you can do nothing and be nothing. Hindi pwedeng mawala sa equation (Christ can not be removed from the equation). The wife has to find Christ and submit to Christ and be the person that God intended for her to be in the presence or absence of her husband. It’s important for her to forgive her husband because he doesn’t know what he did. Also pray to be able to forgive from the heart. For as long as na-o-offend pa nya ako, hindi ko pa siguro sya napatawad. Then hayaan mo si Lord sa kanya.
(As long as I still get offended, maybe I haven’t forgiven. Let God deal with that person). By your own obedience, you deal with the disobedient. So when you do the right thing, you give God permission to deal with the disobedient. As long as you hold on to it because of bitterness, hindi maaayos ni Lord yan (God cannot fix that). So if I release it, “Lord I’m sorry that I am angry, I held to my anger and unforgiveness. I release this person. I do good to him. Bahala Ka (Lord), kayong dalawa na. Tapos na ako sa kanya, kayo na lang.” (You’re in charge, Lord, it’s now the two of you. I’m done with that person. It’s between You and this person now). Decide to do the person good.
Part 1: Declared Pure and Innocent
Part 2: God’s Word as Guide