In the past year, I withdrew from responsibilities as a Small Group Leader for a number of reasons. I did not want to ask my questions to the Lord in the presence of others who may stumble by them. My questions multiplied like gremlins before I got the answers. I did not want to be asked a state-of-the-nation update every now and then about my fluid situation which is outside of my control anyhow (following God’s way). I regressed to spiritual childhood as I did not take my pruning and refining processes with the mind of Christ. I wasn’t a good sport about being called to understand instead of being understood. I felt like the prodigal son’s older brother who watched the prodigal’s wild and rebellious living. All this while that I kept trying to follow God, sacrificially loving and obeying, I thought I was doing it for Him. When crisis came, I minded very much. That makes me realize that I was probably doing it for my own sake, to get the benefits and promises of God. I confess these among other questions, “Why do you keep refining me? What about them?” And I hear the WITTY reply: John 21:22 Jesus answered, “… W-hat I-s T-hat T-o Y-ou? You must follow me.”
I hear God’s rebuke: Hebrews 5:12 In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God’s word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! I did not focus on the Giver. That’s why when the sense of calm was shaken, I was tossed back and forth like the waves. This comes at a heavy cost of nullifying the progressive seeking and following the Lord year after year, but I thank Him for His grace that is manifested perfectly in my utter weakness. I thank Him for being the God of second (and third and fourth…) chances. I am grateful that the Bible documents as a mighty encouragement that Simon Peter who was with Jesus Himself for two years, whom He commissioned to build the church vowed to never leave Jesus (Matt 26:33) yet even when Peter failed (vv69-75), Jesus reinstated him (John 21) and commissioned him to feed His sheep. Oh, when will Simon Peter stop being my favorite apostle?
Thank You for Your grace, forgiveness, and mercy. Thank You for being my Restorer.Thank you that when I confess my sins, You are faithful and just to forgive my sins and cleanse me of my unrighteousness. Thank You that remove my sins from me as far as the East is from the West. Thank You for a new beginning, that in Christ, I am a new creation. The old has gone, the new has come.