How satisfying it would be to just bulldoze the ruins that life sometimes feels like. Sitting in front of a lovingly prepared precious banquet that has been defecated on, I just want it all to disappear on command. I want a fresh, clean slate with no trace of the pain, anguish, despair at betrayal and treachery that haunt me at three in the morning. Thank God, I can talk to Him at three in the morning.
“WHY DID YOU ALLOW IT?!” I didn’t realize how deep-seated my hurt was against God Himself. I repent of it. But it was tucked away somewhere in my heart and it had to come out. “I WAS TRYING TO FOLLOW YOU!” The conditional faith that expected everything to be right because I was trying to follow Him… revealed I needed a heart overhaul.
The faith that is proved genuine by trial needs to mature into unconditional faith anchored on who He is, not what He does, not on what He allows to happen when people use their free will to disobey Him. In His equation, all will be well at the end of the (looooong) day. God is a holy, good, loving, faithful Father. That is His character. Truth is independent of feeling. I can take this Truth of who God is to the spiritual bank wherein I have every spiritual blessing.
The verse Romans 8:28 arose as a whisper in my heart. In ALL things, He works FOR THE GOOD of those who love Him. He will use it for good. He allowed it because He will use it for good. I don’t see it all now. But He will use it for good. Jer 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
You and I are most useable in the hands of Almighty God not in spite of but because of the past we hate. It is the canvas on which He will write the future and hope that He has planned for us. He is aware of the minutest detail. In the hands of the Master, the ugliest blob can be transformed into a masterpiece.
Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. It is my own understanding that prevents me from trusting Him.
Lord, please help me to trust You in all things. Thank You for swallowing up my battle with anger, my pain, anguish, and despair. I entrust to You the painful, ugly past that I hate. In Your hands, You will use it for good. Thank You for trusting me with this pain—not just the people who had seriously offended me, but the emotional hurt that resulted from those actions. Thank You that You gave me this assignment which I once hated. Thank You for the peace You give me through Your Word that You are sovereign, that You are there especially when it seems like You are not, that You are in the business of restoration, and that You are working things out for good. Please help me to be moldable clay in Your all-knowing, all-powerful, ever-present hands so that I may live out Your purpose in my life through the very past that I hate. Thank You for being the Rebuilder of my ruins in Jesus’s name amen.